just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
