My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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