sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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