Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
