In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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