We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
