We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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