We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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