i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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