Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
