Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
