Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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