She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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