It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pants are for mortals
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
