Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
