I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
