So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
