she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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