Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
