shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
