one two three fourrrrnication!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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