I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
