Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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