That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
