thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
