the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
