i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
