I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
