i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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