How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
