he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
