I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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