it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
