i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
