apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
