alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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