I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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