Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How's work?
Spinning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
