youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
