Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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