The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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