I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
