Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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