So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
