my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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