Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
