3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
