Please, let me fuck your mom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't deserve a penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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