im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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