I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
